Category Archives: boy

Dear Fuck Boys*..

Do you really think you can just call or text me whenever you feel horny?

Just so you know, I am NOT a sex hotline you can reach anytime to help you jerk off.

If this is continuing I’m gonna open an official hotline and start charging. Fees starting at $2 / minute or $0.10 / text. And a surcharge of $50 when you cum. With this rate imma gonna be rich! ๐Ÿ˜Ž


*The 3 dudes I’ve had flings with from 3 different time zones that happened to call me at the same day for three separate jerking off moments (waking up, coming home drunk, midnight before sleeping)




Dear Tinder dudes with only good first photo..

Seriously, just drop photo #2, #3 and #4.

Cause you’re chance of a right swipe went from “hmm.. maybe” on your first photo to “hell no!” just as I reached the second photo. 

And oh, don’t get me started on the remaining ones.

Ok Sir…

There must be something wrong with you when EVERY SINGLE ONE of your Instagram photos is a photo of your face.

Yes, I get it you are hot. But, this narcissism is a bit much.

Dear Mr. Dick Pic

FUCK. ME. (figuratively and literally please)

I think I’ve officially met my (sexual) match.

Now would you be me intercontinental fuck buddy?

That 3am holiday Tinder match

Tinder dude: We should meet up.

Me: Nope I’m done with all this Tinder shit. And it’s bloody 3am. I’m in bed and I am leaving tomorrow.

Tinder dude: Here’s a dick pic

Me: Damn it. Come over in the morning. 

(So much for my fatigueness with Tinder ๐Ÿ˜ง)

Dear Mr. War Journalist

Just because I don’t want toย sleep with you doesn’t mean I won’t flirt with you ๐Ÿ˜‰

Triple Win!

When in one weekend I managed to face my fear of the past and met up with the rebound guy from last year and refused kisses from the two Tinder dudes that I haven’t made up my mind about.

Well done for keeping it drama free girl ๐Ÿ˜‰