Dear foodie friend…

You should know that being (and staying) disease free was not in the fine prints of my fuck boy application requirements. It was in BOLD and part of the god damn COMPULSORY REQUIREMENTS.

So when you gave me the scare of a potential STD infection; I knew that that’s it. I’m sorry, but I have to drop you from my roster because I really don’t need these kinds of unnecessary anxiety.

Good luck figuring out whichever bitch gave you Chlamydia.


What does liking my post on LinkedIn means again?!

*Opens the millenials handbook to cryptic digital communication second edition

Note to self

You sensed that this was happening and you were right to end it with your own term.


Also, forget about the sh0es.

Remember: The sex was bad anyways.


What an ego boost

To find 7000+ likes lying there as you renewed your Tinder Gold subscription 😉

Dear foodie friend..

Thank you for the ultimate ‘convenient distraction’ weekend ini Tokyo 😘

You know what would be nice?

Waking up in the morning next to someone you don’t want to kick out.

That would be nice for a change.

I cry 😢

Can’t begin to see my future shine as yet
No sign as yet, you’re mine as yet
Rushing to a face I can’t define as yet
Keep bumping into walls and taking lots of falls
And even though I meet ’round each and every corner
With nothing but disaster
I set my chin a little higher and I hope a little longer
I build a little stronger castle in the air
And thinking you’ll be there, I walk a little faster