Just stick to the blogs. At least they are free.

A Whole New Territory

Could it be that it’s the first time someone is attracted to me because I’m…. Older?

I know it’s far from it, but god bless cougars.

Dang.

Dear Asshole

When I patiently listen to you bitch endlessly for hours, I expect the same consideration.  Don’t get pissy when for once the conversation involves topics or problems other than your own.  It’s not all about you.  And I am not your fucking therapist.

Optimism vs. Realism

No matter how much they say they’ll change for you, they never completely do.  While they may be treating you nicely now, be realistic and don’t expect it to be consistent or permanent.  Some aspects of their true nature may involve asshole tendencies and, despite your good intentions to give them the benefit of the doubt, these never really go away; it’s the core of who they are.  And when the honeymoon phase is over, bad habits resurface and will bite you in the ass, and not in the “oooh that’s hot” kind of way.  Unless of course you like being treated like shit on a regular basis.

If you can sense they’re bad news, trust your gut.  You’re probably right.

Jealous MINDFUCK

Can someone just slap me every time my mind tries to poison me with even the slightest thought that he might have a crush on his very own best friend since like.. forever?

Or please convince me that what might seem like a cute and likely story for a movie a.k.a. “boy is bff with a girl who acts like a boy since forever and boy never think of her in a romantic kind of way till one day suddenly some sort of realization came and girl suddenly becomes the perfect one and boy dumps th current girlfriend who he thought was the one” doesn’t usually happen in real life.

Dear Asshole

Letting you sleep in my bed because you’re too drunk to go home does not mean you can piss a gallon of urine in it and then shit all over my bathroom.

The literal least you could’ve done was demonstrate some attempt to clean up your excreta and filth smeared all over the toilet, walls, tub and door, instead of totally bailing without so much as a note of apology for your complete loss of bowel control and urethral function.  As I do recognize that you may have a legitimate physiological disorder, which almost restrains me from calling you an inconsiderate prick of a guest, I would recommend you see a doctor immediately before you think about attending another public event again.  However, if all else fails, at least have the courtesy to take your pee/fecal-soiled underwear with you before leaving it for the next unfortunate host.

Also, expect an invoice from me regarding costs to replace my mattress.  Dick.

Just because he doesn’t call you when he says he will

it doesn’t mean he’s not into you.  Boys are simple and stupid and forgetful.

If he never calls you again, then he probably isn’t.  Rebound accordingly.

If you’re into casual sex

bang then MOVE ON.

If you fuck a guy for too long, you may start to like him.  And if the two of you have established that the relationship is casual, this feeling will most likely not be mutual.  Protect yourself.

They may not be the hottest person you’ve been with

but good sex comes in weird packages.